This post may contain affiliate links. We may receive a small compensation when you click on a link to those products, at no cost to you. All opinions and recommendations remain my own.
What is Emotional Intelligence and why does it matter? Back in 1995, Time magazine published the October issue with the following question on the cover, “What’s Your EQ?”
So…what is Emotional Intelligence and why are we still talking about it?
EQ or Emotional Intelligence is the seed of all learning. It establishes our ability to interact, how we relate and our willingness to give and receive love.
Teaching ourselves, as parents, and our children Emotional Intelligence has immense benefits and perhaps it is why so many studies have shown Emotional Intelligence to be a more accurate determination of future success than I.Q.
Now here is where things get real…
If you know me, I talk a lot about the “paradigms” we raise our children in. Paradigm is kind of like a lens or a point of view in which we see the world through. The two I speak about are Dominant Parenting or Connection Parenting.
And these two paradigms can MASSIVELY affect your child’s Emotional Intelligence.
The Dominant Paradigm encourages your child to use EXTERNAL motivators to guide his or her actions. Keep the parent happy and life is good. This fosters a need to please, a tendency to look for approval in others. Making decisions to avoid the pain of the loss of love.
The Connection Paradigm encourages your child to use INTERNAL motivation. It encourages the child to be guided by their own sense of right and wrong, by their own unique abilities, and to know their value and worth in the world.
They hold themselves to their highest potential because they model YOU holding them to their highest potential!
The greatest tool you can give your child is to nurture them in developing high Emotionally Intelligence!
Herein lies the problem…
Most of us were not raised in the Connection Paradigm, but in the Dominant paradigm. I know, bummer.
How to Raise Emotional Intelligence?
Daniel Goleman talks about 4 components to Raising Emotional Intelligence. And it starts with us, as parents, because ultimately our children model our behavior.
- Self-awareness: Your ability to recognize your own emotions, feeling
sure about your own worth and abilities
- Self-management: Your ability to manage stress, stay honest, take responsibility for your performance & behavior, handle change, be open to new ideas
- Social awareness: Your ability to recognize how people feel, anticipate other’s needs, work with many different types of people, understand why others act in certain ways
- Relationship management: Your ability to communicate clearly, influence & lead others, cause positive change, manage conflicts, build bonds with others by cooperating, create a group identity
The good news is that raising Emotional Intelligence is much easier than you think! It starts with awareness. And I hope you’re starting to gain some insight from this article.
Over at the Gottman Institution, they share a great article about the 3 Do’s and Don’ts for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids. In the article, you’ll learn how to help children manage their emotions, handle frustration and problem solve.
Are you still interested in Connection parenting? Besides helping to raise your child’s Emotional Intelligence it will also…
· Create a deeper connection between you and your child
· Shift conflict into the teamwork
· Develop and establish trust
· Give your child the greatest tool in life, Emotional Intelligence
· Move you away from fear and control tactics
· Shift conflict into the teamwork
· Start the next generation off with a foundation model of connection
All of which creates a long term healthy relationship!